


The Brightest And Bravest Of Thedas

by Adarian



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-18
Updated: 2015-01-09
Packaged: 2018-03-02 03:04:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 921
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2797247
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Adarian/pseuds/Adarian
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Feeling an urge to further satisfy the Inquisitor, Blackwall makes the mistake of asking his fellow companions for advice. None of this advice is good. Written for a kink-meme prompt.</p><p>Now with added mini-story "TMI" featuring an in love and drunk Blackwall sharing a wee too much information...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Brightest And Bravest Of Thedas

Blackwall walked tenderly into the tavern, his thighs aching. The woman was insatiable. At this rate, his heart might just give out on him unless he figured out a way to satisfy her quickly. It didn't feel right asking for advice in the matter, as he was no gossip, but at this point, it was for the good of the Inquisition.

He sat down at the table, glancing at Sera, Cole, and Iron Bull.

"Cole," Blackwall said, "Cover your ears-"

"He can read minds," Iron Bull reminded.

"Cover that too," Blackwall ordered.

He looked at the remaining two and asked, "I need the best sex advice you can give me. I need to rock this woman's world so she'll let me sleep. Go."

He pointed at Sera. 

Sera said, "You should draw on her vag with honey and lick it off. Then you run naked through the forests together and see if you attract bees. If you do, you didn't do a good enough job and then she spanks you."

"I'm not going to do that," Blackwall said, pointing at Bull.

"I don't think the spanking is a bad idea," Bull commented, "But you should do something really, really bad first. Maybe you can interrupt a trial naked, jerking yourself off."

Blackwall furrowed his brow, "Are you two screwing with me?"

"Both those things would be fun," Sera protested. 

Cole said quietly, "He feels inadequate, as if he is lacking as a man-"

"I'm going to go," Blackwall said, "And pretend this conversation never happened."

Blackwall left the tavern and headed into the castle, going up the stairs to the library. He saw the three mages sitting there, reading quietly.

Blackwall started, "I need sex advice."

The three looked up at him with mild disdain.

Vivienne said, "No," and went immediately back to her book.

Dorian apologized, "Never been close enough to that style of genitals that I would know anything about what to do with them."

"Biting," Solas said, glancing back his book, "Lots of biting."

Blackwall sighed and went back downstairs, going to Varric. Varric looked up from his letters.

"What's going on, Warden?" He asked.

"You write filthy books for a living," Blackwall said, "Any advice about sex?"

Varric tossed him a novel, "Free of charge. No one could say it better than me."

Blackwall sighed, putting the book in his coat. He left again, heading back towards the stables. He saw Cassandra sitting nearby, giggling to herself as she read.

"Cassandra, can I ask you-"

Cassandra threw the book into the bushes and looked up innocently, "Yes, Blackwall?"

"I need some ideas to spice up my love life. Any advice?"

She glanced around before reaching into the bushes and handing the book to him.

"Everything you need to know is in here," she whispered, "But I did not give you this."

Blackwall picked up the book, realizing he now had the sequel to Varric's novel. He sighed and headed back to his loft. He might as well get some sleep before the Inquisitor pounced on him again.


	2. TMI

Two hours into the weekly Wicked Grace night, Blackwall was already sloshed. He had lost the past three hands, mostly giggling in a way that seemed very uncharacteristic. Finally, he threw in his cards and the rest of his coin.

"Sorry, guys," he said absentmindedly, "I just can't get my lady off my mind. I think after this round, I'm going to go surprise her. You think that flower vendor is still around this time at night? She needs something pretty." 

"You and Adaar seem cozy these days," Dorian commented, "Should Varric start writing your marriage vows for you already?"

Blackwall laughed happily into his pint.

"I really love her," he sighed drunkenly, "She's just...so wonderful."

"She's just so...nice, you know?" Blackwall continued, "No one has the right to be that nice. The other day, I saw her stop to feed some rabbits. And they ate out of her hand! Like she was a fairy tale princess or some shit."

Dorian agreed, "I half expect singing little birds to follow us when we're on patrol."

"Children love her," Sera grumbled, "There's always little snot nosed brats climbing all over her and she just gives them treats and candies...she never gives me any treats and candies..."

"And the way she smiles," Blackwall grinned dopily, "It's like the sun is shining after a long winter's night. Just bright and radiant against the snow."

He continued dreamily, "And her eyes...like opals-those are the purple ones, right? You just want to stare into them all day. And those lips...Maker, I've never tasted anything sweeter."

Iron Bull cleared his throat awkwardly as Blackwall patted Solas on the arm.

"You should see the things she can do with that mouth," he confided, "I bet even your ancient Elven orgies have nothing on her. I didn't even know such things were possible...it's so, so dirty."

He shuddered and Solas pulled away from him, letting Dorian pull him closer.

"I think you might have had enough there, Warden," Varric said kindly, pulling Blackwall's glass away from him. 

Blackwall laughed, "You couldn't get enough of her, dwarf. She's insatiable. I got her off six times last night and she still pounces me in the morning. I haven't been able to walk straight in weeks."

Bull stood up and threw a protesting Blackwall over his shoulder and the others clapped in appreciation. 

"You'll thank me tomorrow," Bull promised, carrying Blackwall back to the castle.


End file.
